Hello, I’d like to introduce myself. I am an almost 30 year old woman who has up until a year ago, lived her life searching for the next great thing. The next place. The next job. The next degree. Anything that would give me the happiness, the prestige that I thought I needed.
I lived a large majority of my life disconnected from everyone and everything around me. Why would I be apart of something when my next plan would lead me somewhere else? This disconnection led me to not being present in my career, my education, and my relationships. Everyday of my life. It also led to excuse after excuse for inaction.
Thankfully, I had a wake up call. This call came from difficulty, challenges, and honestly, tragedy. I’d like to be able to say that I pulled myself up and did it all myself but that’s not true. It took feeling like my world was quite literally falling down around me for me to really look at myself. The real me. Not who I wanted to be but who I am and how I will become better. So, I began to heal. I am healing and I am learning. This is what I have found:
Happiness comes through action.
As I moved from place to place, job to job, and educational paths, I realized I wasn’t moving at all. I had isolated myself in the quicksand of searching. Searching for the perfect career, place, and degree to get me out. Out of what? Out of the life that I wasn’t living?
So, after an expensive teaching degree, a move to a new state, I made a choice. I took the action of deciding what I want my life to look like and to follow through on making it happen. I’m in a new place, in multiple new careers, and I am happy. I am not happy because of these things, I am happy because I decided to stop searching, take action to live how I want, and the everyday action of choosing to be happy.
Make connections with the people and places around you AND most importantly, yourself.
In my choice to stop searching, take action, and deciding to be happy, I appreciate and nurture what I have. Instead of living in my future life that did not exist, I connected with my actual life. In not constantly seeking I am able to connect with the people around me, my colleagues, my friends, my family, and my partner. I am connecting with myself.
Be present. Those who live in the future are anxious and those who live in the past, regret.
For the longest time, I thought in two extremes. I lived in the future and I lived in the past. In the future, I looked up new jobs to have and if I was going to get that job then I would need to go back to school and get a new degree. Working the job I had, with the degrees I have, was never an option. I could never be happy that way. My mind was constantly a ball of stress because I placed these intangible choices on myself every day. When I wasn’t living in the future, I was living in the “what if?” world. What if I had gotten a different degree? What if I had chosen a different career path? What if I had moved to XYZ city? Slippery slope of regret on a straight path to overwhelming anxiety.
Since my world fell apart, I am learning to manifest and create my own happiness. I am learning that the choices I made were done to the best of my ability at the time. Could I have made different ones? Yes. Should I have? It doesn’t really matter. Those phantom paths that I did not choose, that is not my life. This is my life. I am owning my choices. I have learned from them. I honor them because in honoring them, I am trusting in myself. This allows me to choose and create my own happiness and fulfillment every day.
I am owning my choices.Tweet
You grow your own fulfillment. You nurture it. You make your grass as green as you desire it to be.Tweet